This post is about how we manage our perception towards others. The earlier post on 'Secret to project success' is about managing stakeholder perceptions.
But managing our perception is the most fundamental. I realised this aspect when I read a book gifted by my friend - Radhika, with whom I share a good friendship, which actually grew in a very short duration.
The book is 'Leadership and Self-Deception' from 'The Arbinger Istitute'.
It talks about 'Self Betrayal', the key ingredient, which impacts our perception. The explanation on self betrayal is rather interesting.
Self betrayal, is
'when we don't do something which we feel we should do for others'
The consequence is that we justify ourselves for why we didn't do it and we start blaming the other person for who he has been, that made us not to do. When we start with blaming others and justifying ourselves, we unknowingly make the other person also to be like us. At the end, both of us don't help each other.
This is a nice concept, and I have placed my life situations - personal and professional, in this behaviour and found it TRUE.
How do we overcome this? The book emphasises mostly on how we get into this situation (Get into the box- as per the book). How we come out of this, is not discussed in detail in the book. But some explicit hints which come out are
'We should stop resisting others and do what we feel, we should do to them'.
Instead of this, if we want to try other methods like 1) being away from the situation, 2) changing others, 3) changing our behaviour, 4) trying to explain, etc., it will not work.
We need to work in not getting into the 'Self betrayal' mode. And being out of the self betrayal mode is definitely not overwhelming, compared to when we are in it - that's what the book says.
I tried using this technique, consciously and found there is a difference. But it is not easy, and one need to apply it consciously, until it get into our subconscious mind.
